Thirdly not wrong, but would be better as Another point to consider is that, it is a good idea to take benefit from this kind of people by involving them in community the community in order to undertake some services. This can be regarded as part of punishment their punishment and is far better than sending them directly to prison as the society they are in can benefit from work they perform during their sentence. To sum up, people no need for a capital P have different reasons why they commit a crime; also there are ranks of crimes. In addition this needs to be followed by a comma undertaking community service as an example of punishment for less serious criminals is a very good step which must be taken seriously. Furthermore, its cruel this isnt academic unjust that all people who have committed differing crimes are punished equally by putting them in prison. Comments: The essay uses simple linking words (first, second third rather than the more academic options of Primarily and In addition. The writer has touched on some ideas, but they are not fully developed. For example, in the first body paragraph, the writer states that there are different motives for criminal actions but then doesnt relate this to community service, only that criminals should be treated according to their actions.
Ielts essays band 7 ielts-blog
Do you agree or disagree? compulsory work helping the community, such as decorating public facilities, which they must carry out in their spare time for a resume given period. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words. There is a significant difference between all sorts of crimes; as a consequent consequence, there should be a variety variation in punishment system options they are not really systems. Firstly although this is not wrong, it would be more academic to use words like primarily, there are various the root word (variety/variation) has already been used in the introduction show a range of vocabulary with something like a number of reasons behind committing. That is, temptations which urge a person to do something illegal are numerous; therefore, criminals should be treated according to their specific cases. Secondly not wrong, but would be better as In addition, those who have committed less serious crimes should not be mixed with those who did less more serious crimes. Simply because delete these words the reason is that this mixture can lead to other worst worse problems which should be avoided. For instance, those who caused less serious problems have the potential to be become skilled criminals if they are put in prison together with others, as they will have the opportunity to criminal acquire criminal skills.
Research carried out by cambridge University found that only 29 of 15-16 year old students said they were happy, but year when questioned 10 years later 84 said that they were much happier when they were. In conclusion, youth really is wasted on the young because older people are under much more strain when it comes to money and people relying on them. Do you need help with ielts writing? Try our ielts correction Service. Band score: approximately.0, task: Task 2, the answer below has been rated purely based on the public ielts descriptors. Click the word or words in red to see the correction, and scroll to the bottom of the page to read our comments on the report. You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: In some countries, people who commit less serious crimes are made to undertake community service* instead of a prison sentence. Some people believe that all people who have committed a crime should be sent to prison.
Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility. Discuss both views and give your own opinion It is often argued that the parts most fulfilling stage of a persons life is during adolescence, while others believe that adulthood, despite things like a job, family and money concerns, is better. This essay agrees with the former, rather than the latter view. It will first discuss how grown-ups are summary much less fulfilled than teenagers because of the pressures they are under and then discuss how contented most teenagers are, before coming to the conclusion that the ages of thirteen to eighteen really are the best years. Upon reaching maturity people are expected to fend for themselves and this often leads to unhappiness. This is because most adults have rent and bills to pay, as well as a partner and dependents to look after, which more often than not, leads to them doing a job they dont enjoy in exchange for money. A recent study by queens University, belfast found that 79 of people would leave their jobs if they didnt have a mortgage and 64 of people stated that their job made them depressed at some point. On the other hand, young people are free from these worries because they are often supported financially and free from any real troubles. Most live with their parents who pay for all their needs and the only thing they have to focus on is studying.
Read books/blogs/magazines about the common ielts task 2 topics, such as Education, health and Technology. Note down any new words in a vocabulary notebook as I suggested above and then review this regularly. It will take you a little while, but soon your vocabulary will really expand. Find out what your common grammar mistakes are. Most people make the same grammar mistakes over and over again. When you know what these are, you can review the grammar rules, practice online and fix them. If you can improve the things above, i am confident that you can increase your band score. Suggested Resources m/2015/03/31/paraphrase-ielts/ band 9 Sample Answer Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most peoples lives.
Ielts essay, topic: Globalization ielts-blog
If there is any doubt then you need to think about how you can express your point in a simpler way, that has no mistakes. It is better to write in a simple way down and make no mistakes, than use complex grammar and structures with frequent errors. Overall- band 6 overall this was a good essay but there are some things you can do to improve in the future. The main things you can do is to answer the question by doing what it asks you. In this question you have been asked to discuss both views and give your own opinion. You have really only discussed one of the views.
You need to make it really clear to the examiner that you have discussed both views by having a separate paragraph for each. Your coherence will also improve if you use the structure i suggested above and you should also check out the structures for the other types of essay. I have included a link for this below. Your cohesion is very good, but remember that you dont need to start every sentence with a linking word, one or two per paragraph is enough. Your vocabulary and grammar are your two biggest challenges. The quick way to fixing these is to follow the 100 rule i suggest above and if you want to fix these long term I would suggest the following:.
This is a place where you record new vocabulary with spelling, grammar, collocations, synonyms, antonyms and example sentences to make sure you know it 100. You can then review these new words regularly so that they become a natural part of your vocabulary. You should also give yourself a few minutes at the end to evaluate your vocabulary and make sure you have not made any mistakes. Finally, synonyms are important and you should try to use them, but only use them if you know that they mean exactly the same as the word you are replacing. They should also be grammatically correct. If you are not sure, just repeat the word.
Grammar- band 5, you attempt complex sentences but these tend to be less accurate than simple sentences. You make frequent grammatical errors and some errors can cause some difficulty for the reader. Please see above for grammatical errors. Establish your common grammar errors and then review this grammar. There are lots of online activities you can do to practice and perfect each area you are weak. Also, follow the 100 rule for grammar. You should only write sentences that you know are 100 correct.
Ielts essay band 9 Sample Answers ielts podcast
If you look at my example essays I might only use them once or twice per paragraph. Vocabulary- band 6, you use an adequate range of vocabulary for the task such as financial responsibilities, academic environment and scientific competitions. You attempt to use less common vocabulary but with some inaccuracy and you make some errors in word formation, but they do not impede communication. Please see corrections above for examples of this. Suggestions, you do try to use advanced vocabulary but this often leads to small mistakes. Follow the 100 rule- dont try to use any words you are not 100 sure about. It is better to use simple words and make no mistakes than use advanced words, but in error. By 100 I mean that you should be sure about spelling, grammar, collocations, synonyms, antonyms etc. In the long term you should think about starting a vocabulary book.
Try using this paragraph structure for discussion shoe questions: Introduction, paraphrase question, thesis Statement, outline Statement (outline what you will discuss in the rest of the essay). Discussion of first side, main point, explanation of main point (linked to your opinion). Example, discussion of second side, main point, explanation of main point (linked to your opinion). Example, conclusion, summary of main ideas and opinion. Your use of cohesive devices is very good, but you do have a tendency to overuse them. You dont get more marks for every cohesive device you use and in fact, you will be penalised for overusing them. Only use them when necessary.
ideas. Coherence and Cohesion- band 7, you logically organise information and ideas; there is clear progression throughout. The structure that you have used really helps in this area and makes everything easy to follow and flows very nicely. However, it can be improved even more. You use a range of cohesive devices (linking words) appropriately although there is some over-use. All linking words are used accurately and effectively, but there tends to be a reliance on them through overuse. This is not a huge problem, but the higher band scores use cohesive devices much less than you currently. Each paragraph presents a clear central topic and this is really helped by a topic sentence at the beginning of each paragraph.
Suggestions, for discussion (discuss both views) it is important that you give equal time to both views. Even if you disagree with one view, you should write one paragraph saying why you disagree. If you did this, you would have got a higher band. One thing that you could do better is provide specific examples. The more specific you can be with your examples, the more authority your points the have. You can make your examples more specific by adding dates, statistics, peoples names or place names. See my article below. Be careful not to have too many ideas.
Ielts writing Task 2: from band.5 to band 7 - simon
Lots of students only require a band 6.5 in their ielts test and I get lots of questions every week about what a band 6 essay looks like and what is required to get. I recently marked a band 6 essay for one of our essay correction service students and you can read it below. I have included the picture of the original essay below so you can see the original corrections and I have included the examiners report and sample answer. This student was able to get the band 7 they required after following the advice below. Task response- band 6, you address all parts of the task and cover both arguments. However, the question asked you to discuss both views and you spend much more time saying why children were happy and not adults. You presented a clear position throughout the response. It night was very good to see that you gave a clear thesis statement in your introduction and then used the rest of the essay to support this view. you present, extend and support main ideas, but there was a tendency to over-generalise at times.