Hang a sign that says "Thank you for not asking questions" Bring a microphone. Point it at the questioner, talk-show style. Use a telePromTer "take my wife - please!" Refuse to answer questions unless they phrase the question as a limerick. Have everyone bring wine glasses. When they clink the glasses with a spoon, you have to kiss your thesis. Start giving your presentation 15 minutes early. Play drinking thesis games. Drink for each overhead.
Thesis, defenses Thomas Aquinas College
Play thesis Mad Libs. Try to use normal printed paper on box the overhead projector. Do your entire defense operatically. Especially if they are fond of fawning over you. we always knew he was such an intelligent child Flash "applause" and "laughter" signs. Bring Howard Cosell out of retirement to do color commentary. "I say hallelujah, brothers and sisters!" Claim political asylum. Traffic reports every resume 10 minutes on the 1's. Introduce the "Eyewitness Thesis team". Near the end of your talk, cut to jim with sports and Alison with the weather. Live radio and tv coverage.
John Travolta pose optional. "I could answer that, but then I'd have to kill you" Hide. Get a friend first to ask the first question. Draw a blank-loaded gun and "shoot" him. Have him make a great scene of dying (fake blood helps). Turn to the stunned audience and ask "any other wise-ass remarks?" Same as 116, except use real bullets. "Well, i saw it on the internet, so i figured it might be a good idea." wear clown makeup, a clown wig, clown shoes, and a clown nose. Use the words "marginalized "empowerment and "patriarchy".
"I don't know - i didn't write this." Before your defense, build trapdoors underneath all the seats. Swing in through the window, yelling a mini la tarzan. Lock the department head and his secretary out of the defense room. And the coffee lounge, the department office, the copy room, and the mail room. Heck, lock them out of the building. And refuse to sell them stamps. Roll credits at the end. Include a "key grip and a "best boy". Hang a disco ball in the center of the room.
Talk with your mouth full. Start speaking in tongues. Answer every question with a question. Moon everyone in the room after you are done. Well, they laughed at Galileo, they laughed at Einstein." Hand out 3-D glasses. "I'm rubber, you're glue." go into labor (especially for men). Give your entire speech in a "Marvin Martian" accent.
Thesis, defense, department of English
Use a greek chorus to highlight important points. "The responsorial psalm can be found on page 124 of the thesis." Tap dance. "I'm sorry Professor Smith, i didn't say 'simon says any questions?' you're out." Flex and show off those massive pecs. Dress in top hat and tails. Hold a pre-defense pep rally, complete with cheerleaders, biography pep band, and a bonfire. Detonate a small nuclear device in the room. Show slides of your last vacation.
Put your overheads on a film strip. Designate a professor to be in charge of turning the strip when the tape recording beeps. Same as 88, but instead of a tape recorder, go around the room making a different person read the pre-written text for each picture. "ok, everybody - heads down on the desk until you show me you can behave." Call your advisor "sweetie". Have everyone pose for a group photo.
Slapping him with a glove is optional. "Duck, duck, duck, duck. Goose!" "ok - which one of you farted?" Rimshot. Sell those big foam "We're number 1 (sic hands. Pass out souvenier matchbooks.
"Tag - you're it!" Circulate a vicious rumor that the dead will be opening, making sure that it gets on the radio stations, and escape during all the commotion. Post signs: "due to a computer error at the registrar's Office, the original room is not available, and the defense has been relocated to (Made-up non-existent room number hang a pinata over the table and have a strolling mariachi band. Make each professor remove an item of clothing for each question he asks. Rent a billboard on the highway proclaiming "Thanks for passing me Professors x, y, and Z" - before your defense happens. Have a make-your-own-sundae table during the defense. Make committee members wear silly hats. Simulate your experiment with a virtual reality system for the spectators. Do a soft-shoe routine. Throw a masquerade defense, complete with bobbing for apples and pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey.
Dusting Off The, resume - atlas
Previews, cartoons, and the jimmy fund. Pass the collection basket. "Which reminds me of a write story - a black guy, a chinese guy, and a jew walked into a bar." Incite a revolt. Hire the goodyear Blimp to circle the building. Release a flock of doves. "And now a reading from the book of Mormon." leave jehovah's Witness pamphlets scattered about. "There will be a short quiz after my presentation." "Professor Robinson, will you marry me?" Bring your pet boa. Do a "show and tell". Challenge a professor to a duel.
"Please phrase your question in the form of an answer." "And now, a word from our sponsor.". Present your entire talk in iambic pentameter. Whine piteously, beg, cry. Switch halfway through your talk to pig Latin. Or Finnish Pig Latin. The Emperor's New Slides only fools can't see the writing. Table dance (you or an exotic dancer). "yo, a smooth shout out to my homies." "I'd like to thank the Academy.". Minstrel show (blackface, etc.).
meddling kids.". Charge a cover and check for. "In protest of our government's systematic and brutal opression of minorities." "Anybody else as drunk as i am?". Smoke machines, dramatic lighting, pyrotechnics. Use a super soaker to point at people. Surreptitioulsy fill the room with laughing gas. Door prizes and a raffle.
"Musical accompaniment provided. stage your own death/suicide. Lead the specators in a wave. "you call that a question? How the hell did they make you a professor?" "Ladies and Gentlemen, as I dim the lights, please hold hands and concentrate so that we may channel the spirit of golf Lord Kelvin.". Have bodyguards outside the room to "discourage" certain professors from sitting. Animal sacrifice to the god of the Underworld. Sell T-shirts to recoup the cost of copying, binding, etc.
Amzad Hassan Ali - skilledWorker
Things to do at your Thesis Defense 148 things (NOT) to do or say at or for your thesis defense. Written by master Peter Dutton; contributions by jim Lalopoulos, Alison. Berube, and Jeff Cohen, patricia whitson and a few business others. "Ladies and Gentlemen, please rise for the singing of our National. charge 25 cents a cup for coffee. "Charge the mound" when a professor beans you with a high fast question. Describe parts of your thesis using interpretive dance.