Funniest resume

funniest resume

The Inside Scoop: What Employers Want to see

Experience: I was brought in as a turnaround consultant to help turn the company around. Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer. Work experience: Responsibilities included checking customers out. Work experience: maintained files and reports, did data processing, cashed employees paychecks. Educational background: Highschool was a incredible experience. Resume: A great management team that has patents with its workers. Cover letter: Experienced in all faucets of accounting.

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Reason for leaving last job: bounty hunting was outlawed in my state. Experience: Any interruption in employment is due to being unemployed. Objective: to become overlord of the galaxy! Objective: What Im looking for in a job: 1) Money 2) Money 3) Money. Experience: Child care provider: Organized activities; prepared lunches and resume snakes. Objective: my dream job would be as a professional baseball player, but since i cant do that, Ill settle on story being an accountant. Awards: National record for eating 45 eggs in two minutes. Heading on stationery: Id Break moms heart to work for you! I am a neat nut with a reputation for being hardnosed. I have no patience for sloppywork, carelessmistakes and theft of companytime. Experience: Provide custer Service.

Work experience: Two years as a blackjack and baccarat dealer. Strong emphasis on customer relations a constant challenge considering how much money people lose and how angry they can get. Personal: I limit important relationships to people who want to do what I want them. Accomplishments: Brought in a balloon artist to entertain the team. Application: Why should an employer hire you? I bring doughnuts on Friday. Achievements: First runner-up for Miss Fort legs Worth, 1982. Reason for leaving: Pushed aside so the vice presidents girlfriend could steal my job. Special skills: ive got.

funniest resume

Jason Kottke: Web Design Portfolio and

Salary requirements: The higher the better. Salary desired: Starting over due to recent bankruptcies. Need large bonus when starting job. Bad traits: i am very bad about time and dont mind admitting. Having to arrive at a certain hour doesnt make sense. What does make sense is that I do the job. Any company that insists upon rigid time schedules will find me a nightmare. References: Bill, tom, Eric. But I dont know their phone numbers.

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funniest resume

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Objective: so one of the main things for me is, as the movie jerry McGuire puts it, Show legalize me the money! Skills: business I have integrity so i will not steal office supplies and take them home. Objective: to hopefully associate with a millionaire one day. Skills: I have technical skills that will take your breath away. Qualifications: I have guts, drive, ambition and heart, which is probably more than a lot of the drones that you have working for you. Objective: I need money because i have bills to pay and I would like to have a life, go out partying, please my young wife with gifts, and have a menu entrée consisting of more than soup. Qualifications: Twin sister has accounting degree.

Experience: have not yet been abducted by aliens. Skills: Written communication 3 years; verbal communication 5 years. Objective: I would like to work for a company that is very lax when it comes to tardiness. Education: I possess a moderate educatin but willing to learn more. Education: have repeated courses repeatedly.

Related post: Some of the funniest Resume Bloopers ive ever seen. When was the last time you checked your cv, did you get someone to take a look at it before using it for your job application? If youve written a cv before, youll know that constructing a good cv or Resume is never easy and avoiding classic mistakes will help you in your job search adventure. Career Junkey has provided a cool infographic that shows some real life examples of mistakes people make in their CVs, from spelling mistakes to leaving out important information but before we get into that, why not take a look at the 150 Funniest resume mistakes. Cv mistakes From Resumanias Archive: Job Duties: Answer phones, file papers, respond to customer e-mails, take odors. Favorite Activities: Playing trivia games.


I am a repository of worthless knowledge. Skills: I can type without looking at thekeyboard. Employer: myself; received pay raise for high sales. Objective: I want to play a major part in watching a company advance. Experience: Demonstrated ability in multi-tasting. Experience: Im a hard worker, etc. Languages: Speak english and Spinach. Reason for leaving: I thought the world was coming to an end. Additional skills: i am a notary republic.

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Experience: Stalking, shipping receiving. My duties included cleaning the restrooms and seating the customers. I once received a resume with a head and shoulders picture in the top left of the first page. The picture was of a lions head, wearing a coat, shirt, and tie. A resume was printed on the back of the persons current employers summary letterhead. One resume that came across my desk stated how the individual had won a contest for building toothpick bridges in middle school. A resume had several grease stains and a smudge of chocolate. Other Interests: Playing with my two dogs (They actually belong to my wife but I love the dogs more than my wife).

funniest resume

So i went back. JobMobs 150 Funniest Resume mistakes, Bloopers and Blunders ever, and grabbed a few more business from Jacob Shares list. These gems come from comments on Fortunes. Ask Annie column:. An applicant ghosted a headshot as the background to her resume. Why Interested in Position?: to keep my parole officer from putting back me in jail. The objective on one recent resume i received stated that the applicant wished to pursue a challenging account executive position with our rival firm. Objective: career on the Information Supper Highway.

Showtime Special 1997 The making of Starship Troopers 1997 abc/Kane Productions Los Angeles, ca medical Communications Resources. International Processing Services 1996 to present Marina del rey, ca color brochures, newsletter, postcards marketing collateral. Hg associates (Act iii productions) beverly hills, ca color brochures, video tape sleeve artwork/graphics, advertising Pixel Jungle west Hollywood, ca color logo, video tape sleeve, stationary artwork/graphics Willamette bag, Inc. 1995 Kansas City, mo 2-color artwork for seasonal/specialty paper bags. 1995 Santa monica, ca color brochures; folder/binder system for brochure/insert presentation. Houston, Effler helm 1995 Venice, ca production artist, graphics, typesetting, photo retouching. Cmh records Los Angeles, ca music cd cover illustration/artwork and package design. I thought a little levity was in order to lighten our spirits in these unsettling times.

Los Angeles, ca, the American Comedy Awards paper (10th-14th Annual). Afi salute to harrison Ford 2000. Afi salute to dustin Hoffman 1999. Prime time comedy 1998, american Comedy honors 1997, caesars Palace 30th Anniversary 1996. Sinatra: 80 years my way 1995. George Schlatters Comedy Club 1987-88, brookwell McNamara Productions 2001, los Angeles,. Even Stevens episode es215 "Broadcast Blues" 2001.

Memebase - resume - all your Memes Are In Our Base

Main art blog resumé painter, chris Kim a is available for freelance and contract art, video online and graphics projects. In addition to art-related services, he is also available for technical support on Macintosh computers, as well as informal training/tutoring with many of the most widely-used graphics applications. To contact Chris Kim a about employment, please e-mail: download the pdf — 107kb, to be of service to a production or post-production facility in an artistic, creative or technical capacity on a contract, freelance or part-time basis where my talents and abilities are utilized. Artist, kim a art, Graphics design, 1981 to present. Los Angeles, ca, freelance art, graphic and design services for print, video and electronic publication, including production artist, typesetting, layout, design, storyboard, illustration, package design and art direction services. Functional expertise/proficiency with the following applications: Adobe products: Photoshop, afterEffects, inDesign, illustrator. Golive, livemotion other products: painter, rayDream, quarkXPress, bryce, canoma, graphic Artist (video, broadcast). George Schlatter Productions 1987 to present.


Funniest resume
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  1. hilarity in 140 characters or less is something that even the funniest of souls can find challenging but some people just have it all. team of Funniest Indian has compiled a list of Indian politics and the dialogues they would most probably use to counter other. 33 of the funniest Resume mistakes in 2013 with a resume quite possibly being the most important document youll ever have to write, how. 33 of the funniest Resume mistakes in 2013 at Resume. Com where she helps users build and edit their resumes online. 33 of the funniest Resume mistakes in 2013 read a resume, you will note that most people describe their past job responsibilities with.

  2. Resume, branding, levity tagged With: cover letters, executive resumes, job. So i went back to jobMobs 150. Funniest, resume, mistakes, Bloopers and Blunders ever, and grabbed a few more from Jacob Shares list. 100, funniest, things weve read on a cv (. Resumé ) home » Hiring, resumes cover Letters » 100 Funniest Things weve read on a cv ( Resumé ).

  3. 33 of the, funniest, resume, mistakes in 2013 of these resume errors are obviously trying to be funny; but after CareerBuilder conducted. 33 of the, funniest, resume, mistakes in 2013 with a resume quite possibly being the most important document youll ever have to write, how. If youre more interested in ending up hired than on a list as the funniest resume, contact us now and get professional tips! information but before we get into that, why not take a look at the 150. Funniest resume, mistakes compiled from several sources. Some of the, funniest, resume, bloopers ive ever seen executive.

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